One weird trick to masterbate with your eyes closed

Okay we all know already that adding a bit of coconut oil will simulate “the real thing”™. That’s pretty obvious. It’s amazing what a bit of lubrication will do for the brain neurons. You’re not trying to start a fire, goddamnit, what you need to do is reduce friction. And plus nobody wants a dry cookie, so bust out the coco and give the ole stick of furious pleasure a dobbing of the good goo before going coo coo kachoo.

And if you’ve already been a lurker of /r/nofap you know there’s lots of reasons to explore PMO, which stands for Porn Masturbation Orgasm. Whether or not it gives you superpowers is up for grabs, but my money is on no, it probably doesn’t. I mean it might do something but who the hell knows what…

And yes although your uncle might suggest sitting on your hand until it goes numb so it feels like a stranger is giving you a bit of action, that’s not why i’m writing this little ditty. Although that same dirty uncle is the guy who would suggest cupping your balls for that warm comforting south park cartman feeling. hah

No, the trick I have for your is simple yet awesome: don’t think about having sex while masterbating. Instead think about things that are arousing, that one girl you saw on the bus that was good looking. Imagine her talking to you, or brushing her hair, or slowly slipping her blouse off. That’s the sort of thing that would give mickey mouse a big fat woodie.

And here’s how you can prove it to yourself. When you wake up with a woodie sometimes you’ll remember it’s because of some sexy story that was going on in your dream. That’s one example.

Example #2. You were just randomly thinking about some girl and then you started imagining a story with her in it. You didn’t actively decide, “hey I’d like a boner please”. No, it just sort of happened, that’s the way the male mind works. And then what happened next? Well we all know what, you decided it was time to moisurize some tissues before flushing them. And of course you probably pulled up the old pornhub for a bit of wanky wank. But i’m telling you, your imagination really is better for your health. Watching porn can be very stimulating and also really great, but consider it a win to be able to use your mind effectively too. Especially if you buy the whole /r/nofap line of thinking.

Just remember why you got that rock hard woodie. The way she looked at you. The way she talked to you. The way she laughed. The way she softly kissed your cheek. The harder version of this story is not as effective, enticing though it may seem.

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